Every time during exam period, I'm always homesick or more to M'sia-sick, or friends-sick! Always! Especially this semester as I was all alone at home and was also down with a flu. It's indeed a time that I have to depend on no one but myself only. All alone! Initially I thought it's gonna be tough but actually it's not that bad cos' it's also through this season that my relationship with God goes deeper and more intimate as I rely on Him more rather than the people around me.
It's also when our relationship with Him is so close that He'll reveal us more things. Lately, I realised something that was hidden inside my heart for years that wasn't even revealed to me myself until recently after having a conversation with a friend. I realised that I kept holding on to it yet I should've let it go two and half years ago ever since I left home to Australia.
It's the past that I always hold on to myself...my identity. Knowing coming to a foreign country is supposed to be a new start, a new beginning. Renewing my own identity, placing a new identity for myself. But of cos' leaving for 4 years or more won't make me a citizen of Australia, or leaving home for 5 to 10 years won't change which family I was born in.
Thou recommitted myself in new church won't change your identity as a Christian but can certainly change your identity of which House of God are you committing to and where your heart is and the culture to follow. It's somehow a clear vision from God that the place is only a bridge, a foundation for a bigger and wider future, and prepare me for even more and deeper things. It's definitely a 'NO' to go back to the past anymore. It's definitely a 'NO' to be the same as the past. The past had past. What was gone, had already gone. Even if there's a possibility to go back to the same old place after finishing my studies, but my perspective is certainly different. As I've seen even more things, with wide experiences overseas and with a different thinkings and cultures that I'd adopted in Australia. I somehow always see myself still part of them, or my soul is still there while my body is here. And I realised it's the people there/the friends that I have there that made me to pull myself back just a little bit. I truly appreciate for who they are and grateful that God once blessed them into my life before. But friends do come and go..and in this different seasons of life, the people around us are always different. So different and totally new! But that has certainly stopped me to go further from what I was supposed to be and going to be.
It probably still takes a few more years or months to see the fruits to bear. Still in the progress of letting go. But I certainly am really looking forward to see a brand new 'Angeline' with a brand new refreshed and renewed mind of the identity for who I am here, a Planetshakers! Life is made up of different seasons. I know the past seasons won't come back anymore, for there're still a very long journey in front of me. And I know God's so willing to accompany me through and eventually freed me from this identity of my past.
It's gonna be so good! Excited for this brand new journey :)
