I just came back from Singapore yesterday. It was during a day that I found out there's a Eco-Product International Fair held in MBS, Singapore. I proposed it to my boss, and straightaway my boss said, BOOK YOUR DATES!
As much as I thought it was a business trip, but it really didn't turn out to be a business trip. I must say it's a God-given getaway trip instead as if everything was pre-destined by God. We reached Singapore at 9.30am, reached MBS at 11am. Lunch and finished the exhibition at 12pm! Our flight back to KL was 8.30pm! O.O What are we supposed to do? Ahhhh... Initially I felt bad if I asked my boss whether can I meet my friend if we are free. But he is the one who said, "Ohh.. I think I'll meet my sister then." I was like.. OH YES!! I'LL MEET DENISE TAN THEN!! :DI immediately gave Denise a call, and there we are.. together at ION Orchard. :D Had such a good catch up with this awesome woman of God in my life a.k.a my lovely ex-UL leader!
While I was on the plane, I had a whole time communicating with the Holy Spirit. To be honest, I hadn't heard from God for quite a while. In the times of my struggles, God remained silence, even when I prayed for so long. And He finally spoke... :D
2) God said, "Do you remember what do you always pray to me for? To see what I see, to feel what I feel and to hear what I hear? For whatever things that you struggled for the past 2 years, what you see, what you feel, what you hear... is what I see, what I feel and what I hear from the Christians in the nation of Malaysia. When you feel like giving up on the Christians around you, so do I. When you hate their ignorance and negligence as a Christian, so do I, but you still love them don't you? Cos' I'm softhearted, just like you do. I'm just like a leader like you that was put into the midst of a crowd, but no one appreciate Me, but instead every one hated My existence, My teaching, My guidance. Isn't you pray to Me that you want to have a heart of Jesus? Your heart has My heart and you are already carrying My heart." So now, I know why I struggled, because of what I prayed to God for.
3) I asked the Lord, "Who do you see me as, Lord? Who do you think I really am? I certainly know how others see about me, but I want to know what You sees me as." It was this morning when I was worshipping God in church, God said to me," I want to give you freedom in all things that you struggled for the past 2 years, are you willing?" And at that moment, I remembered my encounter with the Lord where He took out my heart and peeled it, but this time round it was different. God held my heart that I passed it to Him. He kissed it and He put it back into me again. I was shocked. I thought, "God, why didn't you peel it like last time? Cleanse it before you put it back?" God replied, "This is the heart that I loved a lot. I'm delighted with this heart just the way it is. This heart is highly loved, highly favored, and highly blessed by Me. Even though you think you are terrible and ignorant to the people around you because of your experience, but I want to let you know, I absolutely love this lovely heart. And that's the way that I see you, My beloved daughter."
God gave me all these confirmations through Ps Wayne's preaching in church this morning. To be honest, I didn't like to go to church anymore, and I no longer go to church or CG with an expectation anymore because of my struggles that didn't seem to have breakthrough all these while. I go because I'm a Christian, kind of mindset. I didn't even bother to be in church on time. But the moment when I was late in church, God whispered, "If I (God) matters to you, you'll want to be in church early because you just can't wait to see Him and encounter Him regardless of the people that this church has." But again, God spoke through Pastor Wayne, that we should have a heart of Jesus. Don't be a Pharisees, but be a Jesus to the people around you as there are too many Matthews around us whether it's inside or outside church. At that point of time, it was so spot on when Ps Wayne was talking about finding back all the Matthews who had left church, the ex-members of the church. I immediately identified myself as a Matthew. I felt like leaving church so much, I have too many Pharisees around me. I teared so much that I know God was moving in and around me. He sees my heart and my struggles just so clearly. And this is the confirmation for what God told me on the plane yesterday that He is delighted with me and my heart for Him and a confirmation that He wants me to pray for the nation of Malaysia. Sometimes indirectly we are a Pharisees, instead of being helpful and encouraging, we criticize other people's struggle. And they are so many Pharisees in Malaysia that we thought we know God the most, but actually we are no where there, and God is deeply hurt and disappointed, and He hardly wants to care anymore.
Oh Lord, please have mercy on Malaysia!
