From my last few posts, I was so into circumstances in my life that nearly put me into depression anytime soon. It's kinda weird that this happened esp. when I'm on my uni hol! I was trying hard all these weeks to overcome it, fight with it but it just kept coming back - all these negative thoughts stirring inside my heart pulling me down, and God stirred my heart so hard urging me to go down for prayer after svc, but I somehow doesn't see the danger of it but instead want to overcome it through my own prayers cos' I believe I can do it as Prayer is Powerful! So I kept dragging myself from going for prayers. But when God speaks, you gotta do it!
Many stuff added up together brings even tougher struggles deep within me. Yesterday, it came to the point that I really felt like going back to my past (if I really can), kept thinking how I dislike about my life right now and I really missed my past; the times that were heaps of endless laughters, great and close friends, like a family inside and outside class...had fun even learning in class, tuitions and absolute fun in PBSMM. I miss all of my PBSMM friends, every single one of them just hit into my head and I deeply miss them lots.
I know that as we are growing in age, God gives us more challenges, responsbilities, different seasons to grow and build us up! I can't wait to put my busy uni life to the end of the chap, to stand on the graduation stage on Etihad Stadium wearing the square hat and say to myself "IT'S DONE!", felt like isolate myself from everything, felt everything is upside down even thou after I prayed hard, searched hard and find Him. It was so hard for me to love the people around me for all those weeks. Besides that, I was scared to give myself hope whether it's in people, thoughts, or whatsoever, to have the chance to get myself hurt once again. There're times that I told myself, it's over, definitely over. But it'll bump out in the blue moon and it seems like a hope but sooner or later, it dies down again, which brings even deeper pain.
As when we are so in line with God, doing things that He wants us to do, the more the enermy will try to pull us down in whatever ways and to deaf our ears from hearing Him again. All pastors in church had been preaching on this again and again, and I experienced it endless times until now! Before I went to church this morning, I prayed that things in life are gonna change. When you put and give expectation on Him, things moved! So I did respond to God's stirring in my heart. Ps. Debbie Prescott prayed, delivered for me after svc and spoke God's dreams into my life. From then, I sensed a release, a heavy burden lifted up and taken away. The freedom that I felt after 3 weeks! Her reminder was again firm and straightforward. To fight and stand strong for His victory.
During the 1st svc, God asked me to go for the 2nd svc! So I did despite how tired I was. It had been a week since I last got a revelation and I felt so odd not hearing from Him. He called me to the 2nd svc for a reason. He finally spoke after a week! He revealed! The dreams that He placed inside my heart. Ps. Neil preached up a storm today. It's time to stir up and awaken our dreams. It's born to come to past. That's the happiest moment eva - to hear from Him! :D
God's so cool.. He always have His arms stretching to us, always have His words whispering in our ears. But sometimes we're so caught up with things, or when the enermy's voice is far louder than the whispers, you heard it but still missed it. But He never give up on us. He never gave up on me, not even once. I sensed His freedom, love, peace, joy once again.
I'm so so so in love with my God. He's the most awesome!!! Awesome that's beyond any measurements.
Your love is bigger than the galaxy,
Your love is deeper than the deepest sea,
Your love is why I'm here giving You praise!
I'm in love with You
I'm sold out for You
You're everything to me
I believe in You
Lord, I know that
No one can take this love away
I'm gonna praise You everyday
- @ngelin3 -
